Dead Baby

I was in my childhood church with my mom. Minutes before Sunday service we were hugging old people we hadn't seen in ages. I didn't talk and just hugged when it was requested of me. We went to sit down and it was much fuller than it used to be and we had trouble finding a seat for the two of us! Service was short and we went downstairs to talk and hang out after. This is when I realized my little brother had been in the nursery downstairs. The baby seems to like me and I know how to hold it. I let another girl hold it and show her the correct way. I notice she is getting tired of him so I take him back into my arms. After I readjusted his weight his skin on his neck is sticking to my sweaty arm. I peel our skin apart and then his body goes limp. I rush over to my mom and some chatty older choir members. They don't seem too worried when I lay him down on the table top and he does not move. I can feel his heart still beating in an undetermined rhythm and start freaking out. I ask if I should call 911 but before anyone answers I'm already dialing. I yell "The baby is not breathing- I'm in the basement of St. Paul's Church!" The operator says they'll send an ambulance so I hang up and start to wait by the door. I wait for ten minutes and no one comes. My little brother's heart is no longer beating even at an uneven rate. I'm crying and grieving but no one else seems too affected by it. A few people try to comfort me and all I can think is that he died in my arms.

I don't have a little brother in real life. . St. Paul's Church is a fairly common dream setting for me. I also am pretty uncomfortable holding babies because I haven't held many and don't really know what to do with them.

Hostage Situation

Kate Gosselin, two of her daughters and I were hanging out at my parents log house. Jon busts in and shows off his new motorcycle. He busts things and is not very good at riding it yet. I looked outside and noticed a stranger's white car driving down the country road towards the driveway and immediately got suspicious. I tried dialing 911 but my fingers kept hitting a wrong button. On the third try I finally got the right number but I was put on hold. I dropped the phone and ran into the downstairs bathroom trying to hid while the people from the car were looking through all the windows for us. I tried calling the police with my cell phone but couldn't get through to explain before the bad guys kicked in the door and took me away. By this time Kate had disappeared and I was with a couple friends from high school. The hostages/robbers were carrying big machine guns. I was very scared of them even though they hadn't touched me since they carried me upstairs. They let me entertain myself and my friends on my computer and I secretly got on a messenger application and told someone to call the police for me.

Wayne Newton Tried to Sleep with Me

I was taking a road trip by myself somewhere in Wyoming or Montana. My friends were going to come catch up with me in a few days. Somehow I afforded to stay in a swanky hotel where Wayne Newton was performing. I watched him sing some songs and was surprised at how many of the songs I recognized. I cheered a lot. After he was done I headed to use the restroom and bumped into him in the hall. He had noticed how much I enjoyed the show and offered to show me his suite and have a drink. I said yes and followed him then was abruptly at his room, unexpectedly on the first floor. I still had to pee and found the bathroom in his room. There were two bathrooms and it was different from normal rooms. He started to pour me a drink and I commented on how much younger he looked close up. I asked where he was going to perform next and he said he was going to New Mexico tomorrow. It was getting clear to me that Wayne only wanted a one nighter. Just to be sure I told him I didn't have any plans and could go with him and he said I was ahead of myself. That didn't stop me from briefly fantasizing about traveling around with him and staying in the best hotels. I knew if I took his drink that I probably wouldn't make it back to my room so I declined and left.

Church Choir and BOOBS Science Fair Project

I was on stage at some church and I was supposed to be singing but I didn't know the words. It was a pretty laid back stage though because there were four rows of people in metal folding chairs and most people didn't know the words by heart. Lyrics were projected on a big screen but the problem was the front of the screen was not visible to the back half of rows. I sat up there feeling good about doing "my part" even though I didn't sing. Alexis left with a lot of the others and new people came in to sit, but more chairs were empty than before. Then all I could think about was smoking a cigarette and was relieved when service came to an end. People tried to stop and talk to me but I B-lined it for the rest room. The sink in my stall was overflowing and I figured out how to fix it. I was about to light up when I heard my mom walk in. I cursed and admitted defeat by putting my cig back into the pack and leaving. Walking towards the parking lot to meet up with my family I could not recognize what city or state I was in.
The next day in the same unknown place my dad gave me a ride to school. I was late. He was driving through a maze of large houses but I don't remember what ours was like. He gave me twenty bucks for lunch money and tricked me by almost giving me a hundred. When I got to school I skipped the line to check in late and just started wondering around with my poster for the science fair. I did a study on boobs and if having bigger boobs really got you more free drinks at a bar. I felt that it was a legit project. My board looked pretty bad. It was just brown cardboard with a couple pieces of off-centered paper taped to it and BOOBS written at the top. I met up with my partner, Brittany, and then our school turned into a mall. All the students had to make a display for their science project in the mall then judges would come around and we would explain it to them. I was trying to memorize what I was going to say. I had kinda forgotten about the speech part when I was making my project and didn't bring any note cards or anything. The mall was packed with people and Christmas decorations. We went shopping and got slushies.

One Million (disney) Dollars!

My friend Meg was getting investigated for murder. I felt scared and was drinking to take my mind off it. A few drinks in I decided to leave my grandparents house and go to Mike's house for protection for the night. Since I drank a few I couldn't drive and figured I'd just ride my bike over there. I didn't have a bike. Luckily my cousin, Heidi, was willing to lend me her bike. Grandma wouldn't let me leave until I got some reflectors and a helmet on. Grandpa let me choose which kind of reflector or light up thing I wanted and I was surprised and confused about their huge selection. I got suited up and rode down Old Lincoln Highway and a little past Christy Chreme. The next day I went riding around Council Bluffs on the bike. I stopped by Molly's house, on Timbercrest. When I got up to the door and almost knocked, an urge to be creepy came over me and I checked if it would just open. It did. Someone had a light on in the downstairs of the split level house, so I headed up. I was going through Molly and her mom's stuff when I came across a bra with the tags still on. I tried it on and it was way too small for me but I really liked it anyway and decided to steal it. I then loudly ran out of the house. The person in the basement heard me run and started opening the garage door when I was speedily biking off. My legs started to get tired and I realized how long it had been since I had rode a bike this much. I decided to work through the pain incase someone at the house I just went through called the cops. I decide to go home. Somehow I get back here in no time at all. I'm in trouble in the office of the apartments. My punishment is to sit in the office with the manager for awhile. The manager is Dr. Hanslik, my arch nemesis from high school. He babbles on and on about all his responsibilities as office manager for the apartment and it is super boring and definitely a punishment. There are other people that come in for punishment and we start playing a board game. The board doesn't match whatever trivia game we're playing but we're just doing it to kill time anyway. Heidi comes in and I'm excited but confused to see her. I thank her again for lending me her bike and then wonder where I left it. . . When the rest of the people leave, except for Dr. Hanslik and I, he starts showing me these Disney Bucks he has been investing in with the apartment complex's money. He lets me hold over $3 million dollars in vouchers. I decided to steal a one million dollar one, and start getting excited about going to Orlando but also thinking who the hell thought this was their best investment idea. I finally get to leave the office and see Dave in our place. He made a mix onto a record and was playing it. He wouldn't shut up about how he burned his own mix on a record and I never got to tell him about the voucher. Our blackberries keep buzzing with twitter updates from a couple friends who recently got married and are having money problems. I think to myself that they don't need blackberries and could save a lot of money by just having regular cell phones. Dave almost knocks over his coke onto his record when he's trying to get to his phone, but I grab it and save it.


I've often had dreams about going back to my childhood house and either asking to come in and look around or sneaking in to look around but this is the first one I can remember that I'm creeping around in someone else's house without their knowledge. Oh and sitting in a room with Dr. Hanslik would be one of the worst punishments ever, for those of you who have the luxury of never knowing him. Also, the Molly's house I visited was not the Molly who actually was our neighbor, but Molly, a friend from my year at USD.

Men In Black Plot?

Alexis, Heidi and I sat on a trampoline in suburbia. The air was cool right after the sunset. My phone rang and I answered it. Then from behind me I got a glimpse of what I first thought was a satellite but knew something was wrong because it was way too close. It looked like an old satellite receiver dish but the size of a house. The flying thing crashed into houses and trees about a halfmile away from us. I screamed into my phone “holy shit holy shit something crashed into the earth.” But it didn’t come to a stop, the flying object got back up into the air and out to space. I thought that would be the only one and we were safe. I looked up and another one was heading towards us. It hit the ground a handful of houses away and pushed cars and debris towards Heidi, Alexis and I. I thought we were all going to die by an RV trailer rolling towards us or get crushed by dirt or something so I yelled that I loved them both. Instead of getting crushed we jumped inside the RV with another guy. Someone had been all packed up for a trip, with grocery bags of food and some guns. The RV didn’t stay still for long. It must have been pushed by another offset from the crashing satellite objects. We gained speed and started going downhill and into a wooded area. The unfamiliar guy was an exterminator and said he knew why this was happening. I thought maybe we should stay inside the camper for a bit until things outside quieted down but the exterminator said we must act fast if we had any chance at beating this thing. We got to a stream and Guy said hi to two lizards the size of my arm. They talked back. They were working on building something in the stream and had some tools. I snapped a lizard neck and Guy got the other. Then we hid their bodies under some rocks and kept moving. Guy said it was the lizards and bugs getting help from relatives from other planets to take over the world. So we must kill as many lizards and bugs as we can. We stomped through the forest taking time out to smash geckos. A stone wall was crawling with ants and Guy was trying to tell me the best way to scrape and kill them as I frantically rubbed the wall with a smaller rock. I told him “I’m fucking freaking out man just let me do it how I want.” And then I woke up. . .

Watched too much Animal Planet "I'm Alive"

I was taking part in a green living experiment and my bed was moved outside to the edge of a lake. I had a comfortable bed with my fluffy blanket and my nightstand was next to me with the light on. A big harmless but annoying gecko walked towards my bed I shooed him away. I saw something move in the water and next thing I knew the gecko had pushed my bed into the water and a crocodile was next to my floating bed. I screamed and freaked out, started to run towards a log sticking out of the water. A friendly bear helped guide me but I wasn’t fast enough and the croc took a bite out of my leg. The bear looked adorable all wet with just his head poking out of the water. I struggled to break free and did. I was bleeding fast. The bear carried me to people. One of the experimenters demanded I eat some seared tuna before we left for the hospital and I complied. It was the worst tuna I’ve eaten. No flavor to it and too chewy. I was taken care of right away at the hospital and they fixed my leg. While I was walking out, free of pain, a mother and two children were walking in. In passing I heard the little girl say to her brother, “why did your peepee disappear?”

I don't even like France

In the top floor of a big but sort of rundown house I was avoiding going to sleep on my top bunk bed in a room with 3 other bunkbeds. I started talking to someone about studying in France. We figured out it would be twenty thousand dollars for a year and I think my parents were going to pay for it. Next thing I’m driving to Iowa City to sort things out for me to study abroad and also so I could watch the football game that night. On the way there in my old Saab, some guys were in the middle of the interstate waving a flag for Korea. Mike, an old neighbor of mine, was one of them. I knew about the soccer game between them and France and I yelled at the flag wavers to fuck off and GO FRANCE!! After I yelled at them my car warped into a raggity mobile with my old desk chair leading. I felt exposed. It changed back to a car. I pulled over to pee and rest for a minute, unsure of where along I-80 I was. The rest stop was huge and while I was walking in the halls looking for a bathroom I ran into Shayna. Apparently this rest stop is also part of a school and she has been going to a class here. She was really upset and got a not so good grade on a project that she just got back. She told me she was going to kill herself in the bathroom and I was like holy shit no you’re not! So I had to follow her around for awhile. I got to pee and I asked her how she was going to do it. She didn’t have a gun. She cut of pieces of her wet hair and sprayed it with hairspray. Her plan was to push the hardened pieces of hair into her wrists. I told her I didn’t think it’d work and she should just give up and live. Chatting in the small cafeteria while I was getting antsy to get back on the road and then feeling guilty for that, we ran into my dad and the dean of something at Iowa. They were on a bus heading towards Iowa. I said damn I’d rather drink and ride the bus than have to drive myself. So without grabbing any of my clothes I packed, I just jump on the bus with Shayna. After we’d been on the bus I realized I didn’t remember where my car was parked and also I was sans-bra. I decided just to deal with it tomorrow and enjoy the free ride. Once in Iowa City I stopped in at this class final I forgot about. I needed a final sculpture project stat so Shayna lent me the project she got back earlier that day for the shit grade. The top wooden frame was about two feet long and had really thin cuts of wood that looked like window blinds. The blinds were painted to look like a sunrise/set. I was presenting “my” project and it was going pretty well until the teacher started flipping through them. When she flipped they got a lot wider and was the first time I noticed there was writing on the inside! Oh jesus it says all this shit about Shayna. Shayna was in the room watching and laughing at me. I told the teacher I didn’t like that part of it and it wasn’t meant to be looked at. She bought that much and I passed.

I have a lot of dreams where I go back to school. Sometimes even as far back as elementary school, they find in their records that I didn't complete a class or need to redo a grade.

October 14, 2009

Went to some kind of musical concert slash intelligence briefing with all the Adkins and my family. It’s blurry and short. After the concert we go outside and I can tell we are in Washington, D.C. I start taking a walk by the school where the concert was. It’s a beautiful stone walkway along a body of water. By the end of the walkway is a stone dome held up by pillars. I’m drawn to this and want to take a picture of it. I curse myself for not bring along the battery charger for my camera as it is about to have low battery. I wasn’t prepared for this trip. I snap a couple pictures and none of them contain the beauty of the scene. Walking back towards the school and my family we all gather on folding chairs on the lawn. Cut to the Adkins new place to celebrating and lighting off fireworks even though its still light out. There are trees, power lines, and a 4-story massive neighbor house slightly up hill. A helicopter comes flying at us and starts shooting. I take a firework tube and load it with ammunition and fire back at the helicopter. I know that this is the enemy we were briefed about. The shells from the firework tube I’m setting off are hard to aim and I almost break windows out of the giant neighbor house. Someone comes out onto their balcony and starts yelling at us. We tell them its just fireworks and an accident. We all know what house the helicopter is from and some of us start heading that way while others follow the guy in the sky. I turn into David Caruso and I’m dragging a giant target to put on a neighbor of the bad guys’ house thinking this will confuse the helicopter pilot into landing at the wrong house. I get disconnected from the group after putting down the target. I go searching for the bad guys house and I find it. I’m unarmed now and alone. It’s snowy outside. I’m going to try to talk my way into the house and they use kung fu. There are 2 fenced barriers around the lot of the enemy house and I think the target won’t do much good on the other house. I have one fence jumped and there is a guard with machine gun. While I’m talking to him someone walks by who recognizes me and comes down into the yard to say hi. I tell them to turn back but they are retarded and don’t see the man is holding a machine gun. The guard shoots the person who knows me and gets distracted while I rummage through the dead guy’s bag for a weapon or phone. I found a gun and with his back turned, shoot the guard. I turn back into myself and once inside the house there is a lonely man who wants me to watch a movie with him. He seems drugged or something. I lead him on and then escape. It’s a tangled escape through a window with an air conditioning unit. I wonder why I’m taking this loud and slow escape and then I remember the booby trapped front door with a dead guard and trip lined trigger. I get back to the Adkins’s place pretty fast and finish eating my salad. I can’t remember which one it is and Heidi shares a oriental chicken salad and I share a plain leaf lettuce with vinegar and oil dressing.

October 13, 2009

I was slopping mud stuff out of a ditch and two guys were fighting about the most efficient way to move it. One of the men was from Vegas where he used to mud slop until the government got a wind of his illegal and environmentally unfriendly ways of doing so. We were getting the mud slop out of the little stream by using a flapper on a handle like the flappers used in controlled burns. I just picked up a little of the slop at a time but didn’t damage the stream floor. The guy from Vegas convinced my boss man that this way takes way too long and there is much more slop we could be getting with less work. My boss said but then it wont grow more slow and the Vegas guy said who cares. Next I cut the bottom of the stream floor with a box cutter and started pulling it up. It came up how I imagine sod would, but this was a rubber texture. I felt bad knowing it was not environmentally friendly but had to do what my boss wanted me to do.

i would take any job right now, even slopping mud.

Monday, Oct 12, 2009 dream 3

Andrea and I were somewhere we weren’t supposed to be. It was like an old castle. We left after I stole parts I needed to make a tiny toy chair. I needed it for my wizard powers. It was like an uberpowerful wand if I could correctly put it together. I broke one of the chair legs and Andrea and I went to a toy and craft store to look for parts. I found some thin wooden sticks that I could break into smaller pieces for my chair. I had no money and just took them and ran. No one chased me. I spent awhile walking with Andrea and trying to figure out how to put this tiny chair together. The front two legs were unpainted but the rest was blue. I got everything to stick and then we headed back toward the castle to take on our wizard battle with her mom.

Monday, Oct 12, 2009 dream 2

My mother, Chelsea, maybe DJ and I were on a plane waiting to skydive. The freefalling part made me feel uneasy but it didn’t last long. Once the parachute came out the fall was enjoyable and peaceful until I started worrying about where to land. A small green field and a mall were possible landing sites below. I choose the field and tried to sway my body to send us there. Someone from the ground was giving us signals to pull something on the parachute strings. My mom and I did at the very last minute. When we got on the ground a person in a huge tractor started coming near us. Mom disappeared but Chelsea was there with me trying to get over the barbed wire fence. We escaped.
I got home and was in Alexis’s and my shower. I was sitting on the bottom of the bathtub/shower combo and just scooting around and around with my eyes closed. I felt really pumped up and like I could accomplish anything. Like I wanted to run a marathon but that wouldn’t be extreme enough. When I opened my eyes I felt dizzy and disoriented, totally different than when my eyes were closed. I barely had the balance to stand up without clutching onto the wall. I was surprised at all the blood washing off my and searched for a wound. I was also searching my mind for recollection of injury at the landing. Perhaps the barbed wire caught me in my escape from the field. I discovered four long scrapes bloody and gushing above my right wrist. Once I found the source of all the blood, I didn’t do anything to stop it but it got better just by me finding it. I was staring at all the bottles on the ledge of the tub and trying to figure out which one was soap. The number of bottles confused me and I just gave up.

Monday, Oct 12, 2009

I ran across Kansville Blvd in Council Bluffs with 4 other people my age. It’s night and they waited for cars but I just ran without looking. While I was running up the hill one of the people in my group hi-jacked this machine that looked like a grocery cart with backpack straps on the front to help steer. We all piled in with our bags. The person in the front straps didn’t want to drive so I did. Since we were going uphill the motor was too weak and we all had to walk anyway. I was having a hard time remembering what street my great grandma lived on. I was confused. But then walking farther up the hill I knew it when I saw it right away. But it wasn’t a street I was looking at anymore, it was the inside of a house. A giant old house with multiple hallways and each one had a community room in the middle of the hallway. Not like a ghetto community room; it all had nice wooden ceilings, walls, and floors. Nice furniture. My grandma lived at the very end of the hallway, in the top of the house. Her door had been drywalled over and I got worried but then I saw the sign for her room on a door one over. They had combined her room with another and got rid of the extra door. The door was closed and after figuring my knocking wouldn’t be heard, I knocked anyway while I opened it. She was small and sleeping in her bed. I said “Grandma I’m here!” and she woke right up. I had brought her some cook wear. A couple of casserole cans and a plastic strainer. She asked me and the people with me if we wanted any of them. In my mind I thought I don’t want them yet, and thought maybe when she passed away I would like to have one. Awkward and guilty feeling. Everyone declined the offer. She was going to give me some mail to send. She asked me if I brought Dave along and I said no, He’s in Kansas City. I glanced at a couple of the letters that she was addressing and noticed her perfect handwriting. Also noticed that I had never heard of this lady’s name and wondered who she was. My grandma was pressing the addresses onto the envelops from carbon paper or something. She also was using a word processor. The thing that’s like a typewriter but you see what you write on a tiny screen before it prints off. I commented on her nice handwriting on the outside of the letter and she handed me 10 little booklets all filled with more drawings and comic book like storylines. One storyline was about a trapeze artist doing a show. Another booklet was full of Simpson’s characters in full color and perfect. I passed them around to my friends and we were all impressed. Grandma started talking about some older casserole dishes she used to have. One had etching design that she liked but when she cooked it the places it was etched just shattered. I told her about how I lived in a big house in college, also in the attic and enjoyed being up there and the nice view but disliked bats and she said she didn’t have that problem. I remember thinking I was glad she was living in a house with other people so that she wouldn’t be undiscovered should something happen. I remember also thinking about all these questions I wanted to ask her about her life but was too shy to ask. I wanted to know her earliest memory. I just wanted a better understanding of her life.

Welcome

Hi
I'm currently unemployed and have lots of time to think about my dreams. Keeping a dream journal is something I've always wanted to do but never got around to. I usually forget my dreams within a day so it will be fun to keep them and revisit. If I think I know why a certain part is in a dream I will put my explanations in italics.